ThePhdMom

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The More Things Change - Inside Higher Ed

So I think that I've just about finished my prologue and my first chapter! Yay! Jump for joy everyone! "Party Like its 1999!" "Celebrate Good Times, Come On!" yea yea yea yea yea...that's what you would think, but alas a bit of melancholy has set in, and I am not very excited about it at all. In fact I am quite doubtful about the whole thing...I mean what if my argument is nothing more than a bunch of crap? What if only makes sense to me? What if I am totally on the wrong track? I've submitted it to my advisers and I am waiting to hear back from them-but the waiting is killing me. Seriously its like my mind is now paralyzed....I can't think past this fear to move on to the next chapters-even though I know I need to. In addition I am giving an informal presentation on my first chapter in two weeks!!!! Again what if its all a bunch of crap? In the words of my favorite graduate colleague "Ay De Mi!" (I think that's what he says, in any case the expression and way he says it makes me feel like that is appropriate). If it weren't for my loving and wonderful husband (and my dad) listening to my argument over and over and over, reassuring me that I am making logical sense and progress...and helping me formulate my ideas in a coherent way, I'd be stark mad by now!

In other and more exciting news, my little one (now six months) is crawling around! He is so delightful to watch and play with! He really takes my mind away from the harsh cold world of writing a dissertation in isolation. :( I seriously find joy in his little smiles and babbles. My 12 year old presented me with a pleasant surprise as well. Last week he was awarded student of the month! While he is truly no saint, he is definitely improving in his behavior and growing into a wonderful young man! I love my little guys :) I am where I am because of all of them, hubby included! :)

Because of them and you my lambs, I'm moving this phdmom project along and will be incorporating as a nonprofit soon! It is my goal to provide a mentorship for undergrads, graduates, postdocs, and faculty that would encourage more support and dialogue for phdparents. Cross your fingers that this is a smooth process! I know its a lot to do while I am writing the dissertation, taking care of the little ones, all while trying to maintain my sanity-but it's for a great purpose! I want to help people like me from loosing their minds lol!

Until Next Time :)

Today I co-hosted, along with Colleen Hiner and Damon Meyer, a panel on "Parenting in the Academy." It was a huge success in terms of the turnout and the content. It was a very informative session that dealt with conflict between demands of academia and family life. Graduate students, Faculty members and both the Dean and Assistant Dean of Graduate Studies all engaged in constructive dialogue about the challenges they faced either as student parents themselves, faculty members with work and family commitments or administrative support with institutional limitations. I can say I thoroughly enjoyed myself-so much so that I think I may advocated that some sort of discussion like this takes place at least once a year.

Our session first began with our panel members, Dr. Wolf Heyer, Dr. Chelle Yetman, Dr. Deborah Salon, Aarti Subramaniam PhD, and Dr. Julie Sze, sharing their stories of parenting while trying to "climb the ivory tower." All of the stories were inspiring, yet practical. Aarti noted that while finding the balance between home and work was a quest that most parents juggled, as a parent in academia it was almost like "traversing two different worlds." A balance (of some sorts) was possible, but flexibility was key to striking that balance. All panelist agreed that if you had a flexible (perhaps another word for supportive) university and/or department, the stress of trying to combine work and home life into a coherent reality would not disappear, but it would be a lot more manageable. Issues of gender inequality were addressed as all panelist seemingly agreed that women had it "harder than the boys" when it came to parenting while trying to pursue career goals.

Dean Jeff Gibeling and Associate Dean Lenora Timm spoke briefly on both the institutional support and limitations at the University of California Davis. They showed interest in hearing about the specific issues that particularly affect student parents, and how the University could develop policies to address the student/family balance. Both Dean Gibeling and Associate Dean Timm are speaking later this week on effort the University is making to improve academic and financial support for expecting graduate students. Their support for the event seemed to resonate well with both the students and faculty present and clearly demonstrated their commitment to opening up dialogue between student parents and the administration.

When the floor was opened up to graduate students, various students shared their experience as student parents, and common theme amongst them was how to deal with feelings of isolation and guilt. Many students expressed that they often felt like outsiders in an academic setting and didn't quite know how to cope with it. I could tell by the look on many of their faces that they really appreciated not just the panel and stories they heard from faculty members experiences, but also that they appreciated being around other student parents who understood their struggles.

I walked away from the panel feeling as though "yes it is possible for me to succeed graduate school with my family and with my sanity!" While they didn't always paint a rosy picture of, say the tenure track process for parents in academia, the panelist did give sound advice for student parents and those of us who hope to be faculty parents. A few pointers were:

1. Be selfish with your time
2. Do not worry about being the "perfect parent" or the "perfect researcher" all the time. It's o.k. to be a good parent or a good researcher.
3. Time is the most limited resource we all have, use it wisely, and spend it with your family when you can.
4. There is no "best" time to have children. Have them when you want/and or can have them.
   
5. When you are work (school), be at work. When you are home, be at home.
   
6. Do not be afraid to take or seek help. This can be for your classes and for your home life.
7. If your institution does not have a centralized information point for all parenting related needs, go and find that information for yourself.

Hey guys! I just came across this site. I haven't fully checked it out yet, but a fellow graduate student (thanks Fern) is using it and I figure it can't hurt. Check it out phisheD.org!

I know I haven't been blogging as often as I should, but I am busy finishing my first chapter (oh it needed so much work), preparing to welcome a scholar who's work has greatly influenced my own to Smith College for what I'm sure will be a fantastic talk, and preparing a list of proposed classes I hope to teach in the future. OH did I mention I've also been busy hanging out with my wonderful family too?